Kim Gentes

Reading the book "Learning to Suffer Well" was something of a personal earthquake for me, not just through the reading of the book, but through the workbook style exercises and weekly meetings recommended with a trusted friend. In the combination of all three (reading, workbook exercises and meeting with a friend) the work turned up some profound truth and good application. The scriptural understanding of suffering, as a valid component within the differentiated and holistic Christian life, becomes apparent. What I had only intuited in the nuance of scripture reading before was brought to full light- Jesus, the disciples, and most heroes of the faith suffered as part of their lives, and it was part of God's will that they did so.

It became clear that my attempts to avoid suffering only weakened my growth and had not saved me any pain.  As I began to delve into the devotions and exercises, I saw Christ fully aware of suffering, yet not distant. Acknowledging the pain, but not abandoning me to it.  In my theology before taking reading this book, I realized that what I had feared was not suffering itself but the isolation of believing it was an outward sign of God's abandonment.

But the closer I delved into the reality that my past, present and future sufferings may not only be used by God, but they may be God's plan for change (at times) in my life, I began to see a God who never leaves or forsakes me. A God who is thoroughly aware of our loss, has experienced it personally (in Christ) and joins with us both during our "death" and as the change agent in our resurrection through the other side of the pain. But beyond the "knowledge" of God's presence with us through the pain of suffering, "Learning to Suffer Well" holds a very practical key to allow for change in a persons actual life.

Peter Fitch gives a progressive understanding of the qualities of the follower of Jesus who has come to grasp what true suffering is. He says it this way:

The difference is something like this: a person with perseverance knows that he or she will survive through difficulty; a person with character, already confident about perseverance, generally makes the decision to do something constructive in the midst of the trial.[1]

and

If the person with perseverance may be characterised as "hanging on", and the person with character may be seen as getting to work in the midst of the trial to help speed its conclusion, the person with hope must be seen as one who remains cheerful and at peace, praising God right through the difficulty...In this way, hope is related to faith. Instead of allowing the heart to fall into despondency at the onset of the trial, hope remembers the power and love of God and turns expectantly toward Him.[2]

What is grasped here is worth re-iterating. It is, quite simply, that we have three laudable plateaus of faith through suffering: perseverance, character and hope. Perseverance knows they will survive through the suffering; character decides to grow through the suffering; and hope remember God's power and love and turns to Him for it.

Through reading "Learning to Suffer Well", I have come to the real belief that Paul's admonition is as pertinent to suffering in my life as it is to every believer:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.(Romans 8:28)

This is an excellent book! I highly recommend it!

Amazon Book Link: http://amzn.to/JEPXL8

Review by Kim Gentes

Footnotes:

1. Peter Fitch, "Learning to Suffer Well", (Cape Town, South Africa:Vineyard International Publishing 2000), Pg 60
2. Ibid., Pg 75

Jerry Sittser is a man who went through an incredible tragedy, the death of 3 members of his family, in a single incident. The book, A Grace Disguised, is the journey of pain and peace that Jerry made as he walked through the  years of struggle that followed that terrible day. A Grace Disguised is not a “self help” or “grief recovery” book as you might expect. Instead, it is a brutally honest, and yet penetratingly encouraging search of one man to find some answers in the midst of devastating pain. You are swept along, like Jerry and his family, into the personal thoughts and actions of ones who face their regrets, fears, brokenness, heartache, freedom and future.

But this book is more than just a story, it is a deep and pastoral look into the most profound questions we ask (or ignore) in times of tragedy. Questions like “why?”, “where was God?”, “was this God’s will?”, or even “does God bring tragedy?”  If you go through a serious loss, trite and superfluous answers are not only unhelpful, they are painful. Sittser doesn’t allow this book to become a sentimental appeasement to serious questions. He struggles with the questions, right along with you, not stopping at pat answers.

What drew me into the book instantly was Sittser’s sparse and honest writing.  His explanations of both events and thought process draw you into the conversation.  Indeed, this is how he opens the journey to us, in this quote:

Ten minutes into our trip home I noticed an oncoming car on a lonely stretch of highway driving extremely fast. I slowed down at a curve, but the other car did not. It jumped its lane and smashed head-on into our minivan.[1]

Sittser's book is tragically clear and real to the reader.  Pain is something that those who are familiar with it recognize it coming a long ways off. When I read “I noticed an oncoming car...” my stomach became sick and I felt the weakness and vulnerability of loss fill my head and heart.[2]  Reading Sittser’s book profoundly upends you, and you instantly begin realizing how there are unanswered questions in your own experience as well. And this is the power of Sittser’s book- it’s honesty has the ability to unlock each reader to the unfinished story in their own lives.

One of the most profound quotes from the book was when Sittser is dealing with the questions and assumptions of others, who assume that loss should eventually lead to recovery and healing.  Bluntly, Sittser levels the field by stopping such presumption. He explains, politely, that broken bones, mild illness and arguments are all temporary conditions which can receive healing. But long term devastation is not something from which a person can just dust themselves off, and recover.  In his words:

“Catastrophic loss is like undergoing an amputation of our identity...Loss thus leads to a confusion of identity.”[3]

 The point is clear- we don’t move past deep loss, we incorporate the experience into our lives, even our identity.  The journey forward requires a redefinition (only possible by God) of the identity of the person.  This powerful truth made me realize the enormity of the suffering death and serious loss can bring.

Book Link on Amazon: A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss

Review by
Kim Gentes 

[1]Gerald Sittser, "A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss", (Grand Rapids, MI:Zondervan 2004), Pg 24,25

[2] Reading Sittser's story, I was brought back to that unforgettable day my family was driving along a rural Alberta highway and, as a 14 year-old teenager, our new family Dodge Ram truck collided head-on with a car of a woman bent on committing suicide. His writing will impact you even deeper if you have gone through a frightning incident such as this.

[3]Ibid., Pg 81