Kim Gentes

Everyday, or season is not a blissful, joy ride through life. Real life, real people experience real difficulties and at times real pain.  This journal entry is written by a young man honestly expressing his life as he sees it, in the mode of David's pain-ridden Psalms.  This is honest, and refreshing, but expressively painful, yet hopeful.  Earning for God, we don't always feel or see His purposes as we wish to. The Psalm/Lament below helps us see into one life, and in seeing perhaps reveal what kind of struggles each of us have in walking towards God in the experience of real life.

So Many Questions

Why here, why now?
I’m filled with sorrow and pain
Lord bring a brighter day

I miss my friends; I can’t deny
You had me livin’ in paradise

All these years, I never feared
Being taken away from those I held dear
The clock is ticking; time has run out
Why am I in doubt?

Show yourself here and now
I need a witness to calm me down
Take me away to heaven’s door
Show me the light; I need it, Lord

Through these troubled times and wicked ways
Somehow, someway, you’ll show me the way

Earthquake inside my chest, Lord give me some rest

I feel so lost and separated. Anger bubbling. So many options appear. I long for the face of many to touch, smell and hear what’s home. I need a peace way deep inside. Fill me up, no backing down. I crave a hunger and desire for realness. What is good is how people say they are doing, even if they don’t mean it. Breath, hours, days, years- what do I have to fear? Feeling lost, while hiding in a mask. I got this sickness; how long will it last? Tear I shed- too many- worrying about losing it all. As I write, my destiny is not held by me, but to God be the glory. Water in my soul, I want to control. But please, let it out! Let abundance flow, and happiness go- to that place we all desire.

Memories break my heart. Lives are the sweetest. A friend is like a waterfall. There is always something there for you. Pain is uncontrollable, it can’t be explained. It’s the way of the world, just sink away. Emotions come and go, but true feelings are in the heart. Love is everything. To be loved is the one thing everyone desires. Life hits you like a storm, aggressive, but sometimes calm. Passion stirring and flames churning. The night sky reveals nothing, but our moon lighting the way. Trusting in God hurts, but has sweet joy, as a father cares for his child, his ways unknown. Feelings of uncertainty cloud my mind, but true vision will be revealed. So much to say, but can the world take it? So many thoughts and mysteries. Time stops, floats, and goes by.

by Jared Gentes