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The Longest Yard (2005)

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The worst movie at every level. 

Overall Grade:F
Story:F
Acting:F
Direction:F
Visuals:C

Having seen the original really has no bearing on this movie. Whether you loved the original, or never saw it, it doesn't matter. This movie fails at every possible juncture and every possible level. Not sure what kind of folks are rating this movie, but I can't raise a single positive that happened in this movie. From start to finish the humor in unbelievably bad- even Chris Rock attempting the self-defacating black jokes (his trademark style) falls so far below funny that the film is left to juxtapositioning huge brutish prison inmates with effeminate gay inmates as its last line of defence humor. And that fails too.

Sadler is one of my favorite actors in humor, and he might as well have mailed in his lines, because this simply pukes. I was actually feeling embarassed for him as I watched this film. Nothing is sacred either. No device is left untried (even the close friend being brutally and graphically burned to death in a play for sympathy from the audience) and they all fail with remarkable disdain for an audience they director must have thought would mail in their money as quickly as his cast mailed in their performances (if you can be generous enough to call it that).

James Cromwell has the only possible part that seems viewable, and even in that it just proves to be the unbelievable, unfunny, unmenacing, un-everything part that tears what possible fabric of reality the viewer may be clinging to, as he uttered stupid line after stupid line. I would have rather seen him star in another Babe sequel about the pig who became president than watch this sad performance.

Run, don't walk from the thought of seeing this movie. If you waste your money on this, your grandkids have a right to sue you for a lousy inheritance, because its likely a sign of even greater problems with your judgment. I beg you, STAY AWAY!

 

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