Kim Gentes

I'm going to be honest with you. I struggle with workaholic tendencies that can lead to bouts of disillusionment and stress. When this happens it comes out in reactive speech (I get grumpy) and in a further drive to "conquer" the problem-de-jour by good old fashioned hard work, even to the point of lack of sensibility, loss of sleep and eventually disconnecting from relationships. And that's the good news. The bad news is that the "work ethic" approach to conquering life's challenges often succeeds- which means I have come to understand that my hardest long term efforts can overcome most difficulties in life.

I am sure you can see the dichotomy already. In one hand, you won't find a good counselor that would refute the value of a strong, perseverant work ethic. On the other hand, if it becomes a device in which a person begins to trust in their own efforts more than relying on the peace of God's faithfulness, a sad idolatry is slowly building. This is the backdrop from which I understand much of my journey as a human, let alone a Christian. And it is this background from which I read and evaluate teachings on the spiritual disciplines.

For most of my life as a Christ-follower, I have understood what Judy David's explains in her writing "Circle of Family" on the point about abiding in the Vine, when she says:

"In John 15:1-8, we are given a personal invitation to abide deeply with him: “Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit.”" (1)

Today, that sentence and the later paragraph on burn-out, hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.

I certainly do genuinely believe God is near and that His patience for me hasn't faded. Also, there is a peaceful sense of purpose that has been at the pivot point of many decisions. But to be frank, the later execution of a plan (that I feel is guided by God's direction) can overwhelm me. What happens in my journey is that the desire to please God becomes a foggy vision in the face of a mountain of work. Determined not to let God down, to be the model of perseverance and faithfulness, and to hear the affirming words "Well done, good and faithful servant" (from Matthew 25:21), my honest pursuit of God's agenda becomes a wrestling match between diligent faithfulness and obsessive workaholism.

For me, this is a point at which I struggle and find myself relating to Paul who said:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (2)

I want to live in the truth of John 15:5- abiding in the Vine of Jesus. But what I find is that I lose the path at times, try to handle life "outside of the vine" (by my own efforts) and end up in the tumult that Paul describes above in Romans 7.

To top it off, most of the language I hear surrounding "spiritual disciplines" today sounds hauntingly like the good old-fashioned hard work ethic that can, and does, become a toxic vice when misused. All this poignantly hit home for me as I read the description of burnout symptoms that Davids articulates:

"Burn-out is the running out of steam physically, emotionally, and spiritually- causing our lives to grind to a halt. It is a systemic exhaustion depression. The warning signs are a decreasing ability to function or perform, detachment or withdrawal from people, excessive and chronic fatigue, depleted motivation (“I don’t feel like doing anything”), increased impatience and irritability, feelings of being unappreciated, negative changes in work habits and relationships, disorientation and confusion, an inability to concentrate, and physical complaints (headaches, backaches, stomach problems)." (3)

I could see myself not only in the circumstance, but occasionally in the symptom list. Perhaps you can too. If so, perhaps you have also found some precious truths that can help. I have found two essential truths that have genuinely become a supportive help to me in moving forward through a spiritual and yet earth-bound life, from my vantage point.

1. Living in Community

The first truth that has helped me is that I must live in community. If we are honestly living in the community of Jesus, we should find reality staring us in the face even when we don't want to see it. Judy Davids mentions this in one of her points on avoiding burnout as follows:

"Have a “dumping place,” and set up an intercessory group to pray especially for you. Make a good friend who will call you out to play, or shatter your religiosity regularly." (4)

In the last few years, I have found that there is no place like family. My blood family, my extended family and my family in Christ. Each of them are powerful opportunities to let me look into the mirror of God's family and let me see more clearly what I really look like. Sometimes it is assuring, sometimes funny and sometimes a sad sight indeed. But that is family- they don't let you get away with being someone you are not. And they love you for just who you are.

It is in this community of Jesus that I have found the most profound sense of peace on my journey. They are Jesus "in-the-flesh" to me, helping me, talking with me, listening to me, correcting me, and walking with me in this physical, life-on-earth existence that has far too many detractors than one person can handle alone. In my life, at least, having a daily rhythm of interaction with my immediate family (wife and kids), a weekly fellowship with a small group, and an ongoing peer relationship with two or three close friends are the components of true community that help me from losing my bearings amidst the busy world in which I live.

2. I'm On A Journey.

It struck me powerfully to discover in the writings of Ignatius of Loyola (cast amongst the now archaic-sounding articles labeled "rules") and in the narrative that Dan Wilt gives in his video "Movements of the Soul"(5), that our souls have ebb and flow- a journey of life. Like many people after a genuine revelation of God's love, I sometimes assume that when a problem is solved I make the false assumption that I won't encounter the same trouble again. The balance explained in Ignatiuses "Movements of the Soul" is helpful to me. Without making an excuse for sin, it shows me that life is truly a journey and not just a series of tests I am meant to simply conquer in sequence.

As I listened to the "movements of the soul" video (a video from Dan Wilt's WorshipTraining.com teachings), I closed my eyes and imagined myself trekking up some distant Tibetan mountaintop. As I reach the top of it, I step through a layer of clouds expecting to see the pinnacle of the mount (of course, with the proverbial tiny hut and a wise man sitting in it). But instead of discovering that, I encounter a vast green path leading even further up through more hills, valleys and mountains with even more adventures and journeys. It is the scene articulated so well by C.S. Lewis in his climactic novel in the Narnia series, "The Last Battle", in which the christological figure of Aslan roars to the children (IE. us) to follow him "further up and further in"(6).

Lewis, in rendering a scene of a heavenward journey, prophetically writes that we are to go from one journey to the next- heaven is not a place of diminished life and adventure atrophy. Instead, our lives here are to be the first steps into an eternal journey in which the Kingdom of God is ever-expanding and the King Himself has made us citizens and ambassadors. Seeing life on earth as part of that journey provides a "steady on" call to the times that I feel unnerved by circumstance.

In summary, living in community and recognizing that my life is a journey helps to anchor my hopes in the love of God rather than my efforts. It does not negate the truth behind God's call to faithfulness and perseverance amidst the life's troubles, but it requires that we wait and trust on God's grace as the fuel for any efforts we put forth.

Kim Gentes


1. Inside Worship Volume 58, Feb 2006. "The Circle of Family" by Judy Davids. (c)Copyright 2006 Vineyard Music USA. Page 4.
2. Bible. New International Version. Romans 7:15-20
3. Inside Worship Volume 58, Feb 2006. "The Circle of Family" by Judy Davids. (c)Copyright 2006 Vineyard Music USA. Page 5.
4. Ibid. Page 5.
5. Movements Of The Soul (video) by Dan Wilt. March 9, 2009.
6. The Last Battle by CS Lewis. (c)Copyright 1956 by CS Lewis (pte) Limited. Page 153.